


Eyes

by caxsthetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Divorce, F/M, Failed Marriage, Falling Out of Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic
Summary: Humans could not control how their heart works. It can betray themselves, wrecking them apart without warning.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	1. Pleading Eyes

_ Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! _

Your eyes were currently looking at the clock, the only sound around you was from there and how the rain was trickling down the windowpane. It was past 9 pm right now, and you wonder how long you will be waiting for him to show up.

The dinner that you prepared for him was long cold. He requested a lot of yakiniku for today. It was your third year anniversary with the said man. There's an upcoming match tomorrow, so you know there will be no rest for him and his team.

Since he became a V.League Division 1 player, he rarely had time for you. But that didn't stop you from surprising him at practice or bringing a lot of food for the whole team. Sometimes they will tease him about having you as his wife. Yes, wife. 

He's such a child in the form of a twenty-six years old guy, making them all wonder how someone as mature as you is stuck with him. It's simple actually because you love each other. Somehow you fell for his unique personality and he fell for you because you actually want to know him, not getting annoyed with how he acted.

Even when they all knew that you are married to the ace, one of the members took a liking to you. Not just a mere flirt, and based on how the setter’s orbs see you, the whole team could understand that their teammates adore you, Bokuto Koutarou's wife. But you are loyal to your husband, and you have vowed that you will always be there with him forever.

The clinging of keys being turned waking you from your thought, you immediately stood and rushed to the door. By the time you see him taking off his shoes, all of your anger dissipates through thin air. There he was standing in all his glory, safe and sound with droplets of rain on his hair.

"I am sor-"

You jumped to him, didn't care about his wet clothes. His body goes rigid at your touch, not even relaxed a little, making you confused as your arms still wrapped around his figure.

"It's alright, Kou. It's alright to be late. The game is tomorrow after all." You were now standing in front of him, hands on his cheek to wipe away any trace of rain from his face, "As long as you come back to me safely, everything is alright for me."

Bokuto widened his eyes when he heard your words. It sounded sincere and full of love, he gulped down, not knowing what to say. Your hand glided down to help him take off his jacket, and he only stood there as you delicately ran your fingers on his strand of hair.

"You are soaked," The worried tone of your voice was visible, "I will heat the dinner up, you go take a warm shower, okay, baby?" You grabbed his jacket and shoes, going to put it in the laundry room to be cleaned after dinner. As you walked away, your eyebrows raised a little for the lack of footsteps.

You turned around and found your husband looking down at his bare feet. His fist clenched beside him, and there were tears dropping on the floor as he silently cried. Looking at the scene, you dropped everything on your hand and ran towards him.

As you stood in front of him, his body weakened and fell to the ground. But before his figure could crash the wooden floor, you immediately became his pillow to fall and cradled him to your chest. He sobbed, hand clenching on your shirt.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong." You caressed his hair carefully, "Please, I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t tell me." From years knowing him since high school, you never saw him act like this, not even once. You knew his dejected and emo mode, but this is all new.

"N-no," Sorrow coated his voice, "If I tell you, y-you will leave me." He cried uncontrollably, and it pained you to see him cry.

"You don't know about that-"

"I  _ KNOW  _ ABOUT THAT!" He raised his voice and straightened his back as he sat in front of you, "I AM SURE YOU WILL LEAVE ME IF I TELL YOU! EVERYONE TOLD ME THAT!" You got taken aback by his outburst.  _ Everyone? Does everyone know about his problem?  _

"You told a lot of people about your problem and not me, my owl?" You asked with curiosity, not even a hint of anger could be sensed. Bokuto didn't dare to look at your face right now, it's your third year of being Bokuto’s wife and this is what happened, "Kou, I love you. What information could possibly make me leave you?"

He stiffened as he heard you say that. You were always so good to him, taking care of him and being patient with his antics. It's hard to have an athlete as a husband, but yet here you were for years loving him with all your heart could offer.

"You are not someone that would cheat, I know that." Your voice sounded sure, "I-It's true, right? You would never cheat on me right, Kou?" But the stutter in your voice showing him that you could feel insecurity too after all.

"No, I didn't cheat." He gulped and finally took a look at you. There's a satisfied smile on your face that was caused by his answer, "T-There's no one in my heart, (Y/n)." You blinked, you were ready to joke out,  _ Except, me~  _ but then his gaze fell to your eyes, and it's like you know what he would say, "Not even you."

His words sent the air out of your lungs, and it was suddenly hard to breathe. You eyed him, searching for any sign of his teasing expression, but you found none. You waited for seconds, wanting him to blurt out the joke and laughing at your dumb expression.

It never came.

Except now, his hand on your shirt clenched tighter. He knew when the information completely went into your heart, you would be gone. You two never fought, not even once. Maybe a little quarrel here and there, but nothing too big because you were so understanding and he always felt guilty.

"I don't love you anymore, (Y/n)." He sobbed, "But I need you. I need you so bad."

Bokuto didn't even know when his love for you started to dissipate. Since he married you, he didn't care about spectators anymore. Knowing you standing there was enough, you were the only attention that he needed.

But then he started to act as he used to, wanting to grab everyone's attention as he played. It didn't go unnoticed by his teammates and best friend. At one point in his life, he knew his feelings for you were long gone.

"Since when?" There's no anger in your voice, not even sadness. He knew you always buried your emotions every time you felt devastated. And knowing him as the cause of you acting like this, he knew he would never forgive himself.

"I don't know," What he knew, was the time when his teammates were asking about you, and he didn't even get jealous. That and the fact that Bokuto didn't rush outside to meet you, and that time, the golden yellow-haired setter knew immediately what's up.

_ "You what?!" Miya's hand was now grabbing Bokuto's collar, pushing him to one of the lockers, _

_ "Atsumu-san! P-please calmed down." The orange-haired spiker tried not to let his teammates fight each other but the setter only focused on the wing spiker in front of him. _

_ "Tell me once again, Bokuto. But now, look at me, so I know you are joking or not!" The ace didn't speak up, "For god sake, just answer-" _

_ "I DON’T LOVE HER ANYMORE!" Bokuto shouted, feeling enough with the pressure from his setter, "Put me down." His golden eyes met his teammates, anger filled the eyes as he heard Bokuto's confession. _

_ "You are sick." The setter pushed him down to the ground, grabbing his bag, and walked to the door, "She will never leave you, you know that?" He turned one last time to see Hinata crouched down beside the dejected ace, "You just need to ask, and she will never leave you even if you tell her this." He opened up the door and let out a long sigh, "I hope you know what's better for her." _

"You don't know?" You grabbed his hand, making him relaxed a little, "Does Keiji know about it?" Akaashi Keiji is your best friend and your classmate. He's the one who introduced you to the lively captain of Fukurodani's VBC at that time.

Bokuto Koutarou's decision in his life was mostly from Akaashi. Your first date? Akaashi was the one who pushed him to do it. His confession? Akaashi was the one who dragged you to the gymnasium. The proposal? Akaashi helped him to search for a unique way to propose to you.

Right now, Akaashi Keiji regretted everything.

_ "Hello?" Akaashi's voice was groggy when he picked up his phone, "Did something happen, Bokuto-san?" He yawned and sit, this is the first time he could have a decent sleep and Bokuto called him, "It's past 10 pm, Bokuto-san. Where is (Y/n)?" _

_ "Akaashi," Bokuto told everything about how he started to lose his feelings towards you. Your best friend was now fully awake, listening to the desperate voice of your husband, "What should I do?" _

_ "You should tell her, Bokuto-san." That's the only thing that he needed to do, "And let her go." _

"Akaashi knew. He, He is the one who told me to say it to you." Bokuto looked down to the floor, putting his hand on his face, ashamed, "You don't deserve this, (Y/n). I am such a child! I don't deserve you coping out with me for years!"

You love the man in front of you, but the fact that he didn't feel the same anymore hurt you badly. If only he cheated on you or did something terrible, it wouldn't hurt like this. Feelings are something that was out of control. You couldn't blame him for falling out of love with you, and that's worse than being cheated on. Because either you or he couldn't do anything to prevent that.

"Oh, Kou." It hurts you, but here you were still wrapping your arms around him, "It's alright, it's alright." It's not alright, and he knew it.

"HOW COULD YOU STILL ACT LIKE THIS?!" He screamed in the crook of your neck, "I hurt you, and I don't love you anymore... So why?"

"Because I still love you." You kissed his forehead, trying to calm him down, "Kou, it's alright if you don't love me anymore. It's alright." Your finger wipes all of the tears that were running down his cheek, "Do you want me to stay, Kou?"

_ "And, Bokuto-san." Akaashi's voice rings from the other line, stopping him from hanging up, "You know she loves you and possibly will choose to be with you if you ask her, right? Even with this new... fact." _

_ "Y-yeah, I know that." _

_ "Then please, if she asked you. Don't hold her back." Bokuto wanted to shout at the top of his lungs, he wanted to be angry at Akaashi for telling him to let you free. He knew it's the best thing for you, but he couldn't do that. _

_ "But I need her in my life, Akaashi! I couldn't ima-" _

_ "STOP BEING SELFISH FOR ONCE, DAMN IT!" Your husband was now silent. His best friend rarely raised his voice, and he never cursed before, "Sorry for yelling, but please, Bokuto-san. Just this once, stop being selfish for her, just this once." _

"N-no." He wanted to blurt out his plea and begging you to stay, imagine his life without you is something that never crossed his mind, "W-we should... We should get a divorce." He gulped down every wish on the back of his mind.

You understood him, and you know the things that he wanted—burying it down deep inside him. But you know it's best for both of you. He will feel guilty every time he looks at you, and you will regularly remember every syllable that came out from his lips tonight.

When he calmed down a little, you led him to the couch, turned on the fireplace, and covered him with a blanket. He stared at the crackling fire in front of him, trying to absorb the heat. You walked upstairs with tears threatening to get spilled. But you held it, shaking your head, and went to your shared bedroom.

The smell of his cologne attacked your nostrils immediately. With an incredible pace, you grab your bag and put some clothes there. The faster you could go from there, the quicker you could cry without hurting him in the process.

You finished your packing in ten minutes, putting your essentials on the other bag. When you walked to the door, you looked at the shared bedroom one last time. You have been sleeping there for three years as Bokuto (Y/n). All the morning kisses and late-night making love wouldn't be repeated in your life ever again.

As you calmed down, you walked downstairs and found your husband at the end of the staircase. His eyes widened at the sight of you, wearing a long coat, and ready to go. It's like you two would have a surprise date outside, but he knew better not to dwell on something that's not real.

"Hey," You took an easy step towards him, he still looks dumbfounded, "You should sleep, you know."

"W-where are you going to stay?" Just one more night, he wanted it to be with you once again, "Isn't it dangerous? It's so late."

"Kou, you know I could never leave if I just lay down beside you again." You patted his right cheek, "Just focus on your next match, okay? Tomorrow is the final, right?" He looked at you with grief engulfing his golden orbs, "Don't think too much about us. There's only you, or me."

You bit your lips, taking one last look of your husband, trying not to let the tears fall. His eyes pleading you to stay, and god you really want to stay and buried the fact that he didn't love you anymore. But you couldn't. It will torture him every day, and so are you.

"I will take care of the divorce paper. You just need to focus on your team, and you said one of the members being harsh to you, right? Who is it? Miya?" He nodded, it surprised him a little that you remember everything that slipped out from his lips, either it's essential or not, "I will take my leave now."

You closed your eyes and leaned in, kissing the right side of his lips. He held his breath as he felt your lips touching his one more time before you go. Even if it's not a kiss on the lips, tonight it felt so delicate like you pour the last amount of love.

He gulped as you took a step backward, eyeing him with a gaze still full of love, "Oh, and here, Kou." You take his hand and put your wedding ring on his palm, "I hope someday you will find someone that you will love until the end of time, and I hope they will love you as much as you love them."

And so, you walked towards the door. Ready to leave all of the memories that you spend on this house. All of the crazy breakfast, the burnt toast that he always made, the cuddle you shared on the couch, it will be imprinted on your memory as long as you love him.

When your feet reached the door, you turned your head to see him. You gave him a smile, a reassuring smile. Both of you have been through everything together. You were there every time he lost and cried, and he was there when you had a bad day.

So you closed the door gently, letting go of all of those love when he was yours. He will be free without being afraid of hurting you every day. And you will be free, hoping that it will heal in time. Either it's by yourself, or someone else to help you.

The decision was all in your hand, just like tonight.

And from everything that you chose in your life, giving him back the ring that he promised to you precisely three years ago, was the hardest thing that you ever did.


	2. Hopeful Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving someone have consequences. Including them — not loving you back.

"Hey, are you awake?" You were curled up in your bed with tears still wetting the pillow, "I am going to work, (Y/n)." He didn't knock, knowing you were awake and didn't want to pester you. Your best friend was so sincere and patient, making you feel guilty for not answering, "I made you breakfast and lunch. Do you want something for dinner?"

There was no light in the room with how the curtain never moved an inch. It was dark and cold and it had been like this for almost a month now. It had been days after the event when you took off the rose gold wedding ring from your finger. Somehow, your nails would linger there, tracing the now empty space.

"I-I want onigiri." It was something that you and the editor enjoyed since high school, "I am okay with any brand." He chuckled as he heard your voice. You are trying to say something but too abashed to ask for it.

"You want Onigiri Miya, isn't it?" You pouted a little. He knew you like the back of his hand, "Alright, I will buy you some. I will take my leave now. See you tonight." But he didn't leave yet, waiting for you to answer.

He remembered how your eyes were blurred with tears when you stood in front of his house. You were shaking all over your body as you dropped your bag to the ground. He couldn't think at all, but the only right thing to do that time was to pull you in his embrace.

You didn't know where to go that night and your family lived on a different side of the country. When you shared the news with your parents in the morning after, they were devastated. They knew how caring Bokuto was for you and they knew how much you love him. So the fact that you two were not meant to be, shocked everyone who knew you both.

But then, no one could do anything to change the tragic reality.

"See you tonight, Kaashi." A smile emerged on his face. After days of trying to make you talk more, a simple parting feels like a vast advance.

You could hear the sound of the door closing, meaning that the black-haired man finally left for work. With that, you sat down on your bed, trying to accumulate every last piece of the will to live. You wanted to reach your phone and search for information about your ex-husband.

_ "If I found you scrolling the social media to find Bokuto-san, I wouldn't hesitate to change your smartphone into a telephone." _

Remembering what Akaashi said when he saw you moping in his living room, you shuddered. He usually calmed and composed but he sure could be scary sometimes. You threw your phone back to the bed, deciding to just grab some breakfast instead.

Three weeks had passed when you were no longer a Bokuto. It still made you frown when you think about it since you love that rowdy owl so much. Even now, you still love him dearly. You shook your head and grabbed the breakfast that Akaashi prepared for you. Sliding down on one of the chairs, you just realised how quiet this house was.

"Itadakimasu." You murmured, frowning at the lack of voice. Since you were married, you never ate breakfast alone. It was something that you two wouldn't miss, not even when he already fell out of love with you. You just stuffed your mouth with the delicious food, moaning here and there because Akaashi's cooking is like from a Michelin star restaurant  — not that you have ever been in one.

After having a lonely breakfast, you cleaned the whole house as a token of gratitude. You needed to get back to the real work as fast as you could so you wouldn’t bother your best friend anymore. Even though he said that he didn't mind the company, you still feel bad about it.

Somehow, you couldn't face Akaashi. It felt like you failed him by getting a divorce with Bokuto. After all, you knew how Akaashi was the one who pushed you and the ace to have a relationship. He even cried at your wedding because he said that you two look so perfect together.

Maybe it was finally time for you to take back your life. You were given a chance to find a new path to choose, it didn't have to be about finding a new guy, but at least you need to work hard and become the independent woman that you always wanted.

So you started small. All-day long, you occupied yourself with work at home, doing all of the assignments that your boss gave to you. The digital company that you worked in was just full of considerate people. When they knew you were getting a divorce, they immediately told you to take a rest and get back to work until you were ready. Something that you were really grateful for.

Too focused on your work, you didn't realise how the sun was long gone and replaced by the moon.

Akaashi was back from his work, and he blinked to see your room wide open. You were not there and it made him frantic for thinking about your whereabouts. He was trying to remain calm and search his house first. When he walked past the office room, you were there sitting with your legs crossed, fingers typing on the keyboard.

He smiled at the sight. It was the first time he saw you out of the room without him nagging at you. You were too absorbed with your work and flinched when you heard a soft knock on the door that was open. You turned around and found Akaashi, resulting in a smile appearing on your face.

"I brought the onigiri." That was the only thing he said, and it was enough to make you jump from the chair. In seconds, you were already standing in front of him, smiling giddily with a dumb look, "You really love this onigiri, huh?"

"How could I not?!" You grabbed one from the plastic bag, "You bought me my favourite flavour! Thank you!" With the onigiri in your hand, you smiled and really looked like a child. The gunmetal blue eyes staring deep at your expression, "What is it, Kaashi?" You just realised that he didn't respond to your gratitude.

"It's just-" He gulped down and gave you a smile, your heart skipped a bit at the sight. But with just a blink of your eyes, it was back to normal, "I just miss your cheery personality. It feels good to have you back." You chuckled at this, Akaashi was always the best man that you wanted to keep in your life. He was mature and thought about everything through.

"Well, glad to have you here and be patient with me!" Akaashi patted your head gently and told you to sit down before eating the onigiri that he brought. After three weeks dominated with silence, he was glad he could gradually see the real you coming back, something that was forcibly taken away from your life.

"When was the first time you bought this onigiri?" The taste hooked your best friend since years ago, so it was only natural that he brought up the overly famous onigiri as the topic of your conversation.

"I didn't buy it actually," You were just done munching on one and grabbing another from the plastic bag, "Miya Atsumu is Bo's teammate and he bought it for me." His black eyebrows raised a little, "I usually bring bento for each member. He said it was a little thing to say thank you." 

You moaned a little at how delicious the onigiri is, it was rich with flavour, and the stuffing overflowed, "But, here's the tea," You tried to wipe the filling out of your lips. Akaashi noticed this and helped you instead, brushing his thumb on your side lips carefully.

"There, you’re clean now." He said it with his usual calmed voice. You blinked and gulped down before faking a cough, trying to calm down the nagging feeling that prevailed in your heart. Something odd, something familiar yet you couldn't pinpoint what it is. Or rather, didn't want to explore it again, "So, the tea?"

"Ehem," You smirked, and Akaashi already regretted it, "That Miya Atsumu  —  is having a crush on lil' old me!" A triumphant smile appeared on your voice, "Since I still belong to Bo, Kaashi! Imagine that! How could someone have a crush on me? Someone's married!"

You were saying that with a playful tone, but Akaashi knew you too well. In every word you said, there laid insecurity that you always tried to hide. Since you knew you would spend the rest of your life with Bokuto Koutarou, you haven't thought about what you would do if you ever get a divorce.

And now, this was when everything became so real. Your shoulder slouched, Akaashi noticed the drastic changes and put down the onigiri back. You were silent, zipping your mouth as your mind was blank. 

It was like your mind and body wouldn't work properly anymore. So he did what he always does since the two of you were still teenagers.

He crawled beside you, wrapping his arm on your shoulder and pulled you to his embrace. You let out a loud gasp like your soul was finally back to your body, clenching at his shirt as you silently sobbed on his chest. He cooed, fingers tugging your hair away from your face.

Akaashi Keiji was a martyr.

He was the one who introduced you to Bokuto that day, but he didn't expect the two of you to fall in love so fast. The ex-setter had been in love with you way before you met the grey-haired man. But with how you clicked with the said person, Akaashi couldn't help but just love you from the sideline as you got married to the man of your dreams.

And it was something that he regretted after knowing what his best friend had done to you. He hated the thought of someone could have hurt someone like you. You were so delicate and only wanted the best for the others, never been selfish in your life. And look where it brought you.

"Let it all out, (Y/n)." It pained him every time you emitted a sob, it felt like someone just stabbed him again and again, "I'll be right by your side, you don't have to go through this alone."

He couldn't do anything except hold you in his embrace. Something that he always did but yet  — his arm had never become your last destination. He was so used to be a transit, and he didn't mind it at all, as long as there was a glimpse of you in his life.

***

Akaashi was now waiting for you to get off from your work. It had become a routine for the two of you ever since you were back to work in the office. Three months had passed when you were no longer a married woman. It was starting to get better, and every day seems like you were unstoppable.

But then he realised, it was all because you never met him. For three months, you never get face to face with the rowdy ex-husband of yours that you really love. It was possible that you were just hiding the pain away, like what he did his entire life.

Locking all of the love inside. Didn't let anyone find it.

The sound of familiar heels knocking at the ground woke him up from the deep thought. There you were, walking towards him with a smile like it was plastered permanently on your face. You were gorgeous; you have been gorgeous in his eyes for his entire life.

This new routine made him enjoy his day more. He was always looking forward to this moment, and even his coworker seems to notice this positive change that occurred in his life. Both of you would walk home together and past the grocery store, buying things for the house necessities.

After talking about it, he decided to ask you to be his roommate. Since the house was his already, you agreed to help him with house chores and buy some things for the house. The thought of you living alone scared him. He didn't want to wake up in the middle of tonight, thinking about your wellbeing, afraid that something will happen with how fragile your heart currently was. Thus the reason why he wanted you to live with him instead.

Akaashi wouldn't lie, this was what he always imagined if you were his from the start — going home together, appreciating your presence without even once leaving his gaze away from you. So when he knew his best friend was falling out of love with you, he just wanted to dash and reach out — confessing about the secret feeling that he harbors for you since the first year of his high school life.

You stopped in the middle of the walk all of a sudden. Akaashi realised this and turned his head to face you. You were looking at something, eyes full of adoration. And he clenched his fist, following where your gaze fell, knowing exactly what could possibly make your gazes look like that.

There on the side of the road, a massive digital billboard was lightening the night. Bokuto Koutarou smiled so brightly as he jumped to spike a ball. It was a sight to behold, how he looked so happy and felt like everything was in his hands.

Everything, and you used to be one of it. You bit your lips, all of the walls that you built carefully seem to get teared down little by little as your eyes never left the bright screen. Akaashi walked towards you and wiped the tears that already scrolled down on your cheek, tears that you didn't even realise still poured because of the feelings that you had for the ace of MSBY.

The state you were in, didn't hurt just one heart. But you didn't know that at that time,

"Hey, Kaashi." You called out to your best friend who answered you with his usual hum, "Do you want to watch a volleyball match?" Akaashi blinked at your request, eyebrows twitched with confusion.

"What do you want to achieve here, (Y/n)?" He didn't know what would happen if you encountered Bokuto in real life. You already let down the tears with just the sight of him on the billboard, Akaashi couldn't imagine the scenario that would unfold if you saw the man you love that slipped between your fingers.

"I would never move on if I didn't see him, Keiji." You were rarely called him by his given name. It must be serious if you used it, "I need to see him one more time, I need to part ways with him properly." You gulped down, "But I couldn't do it alone, I—"

"I will be there." Akaashi caressed your arms that went rigid the second you watched the billboard, but it relaxed a little when his touch fell on yours, "You can count on me, (Y/n)."

After all, Akaashi Keiji would do anything for you without hesitating even for a second.

***

The gymnasium was so crowded today, it was the semifinal of the tournament right now, and you were actually hyped for this moment. You always love the lively energy from the spectators that you could absorb, and even though you were no longer Bokuto's wife, you would cheer on his team without a doubt.

"Oh, Akaashi-san." You heard a familiar voice from the side. It was Miya Osamu, the owner of Onigiri Miya. He looked at your best friend and talked to him like they were old friends. Akaashi decided to buy some to eat at the tribune.

Sometimes, the twin would steal a glance towards you. And it didn't go unnoticed by Akaashi. His eyes twitched a little, annoyed by how the man in front of him looked like he had something on his mind while gazing at you. Then there you were, standing beside Akaashi looking as oblivious as ever.

"What is it?" Your best friend asked the tall man, "Do you have something to say?" Miya Osamu blinked at the sudden possessiveness that lingered on your best friends' voice.

"My apologies, miss. But—" You were now looking at the man, "Are you perhaps Bokuto Koutarou's wife?" Your hand subconsciously clung to Akaashi's wrist.

"What—"

"I am sorry, but I am not anymore." You answered him with a little more confidence in your voice. Trying to calm down your best friend that somehow like he was ready to go berserk, "So if you are friends with Kaashi, just call me (L/n) from now on, thank you."

You two took your leave after that, finding the best spot to watch the game. It was lucky for the two of you to find a place on the front row. The host called out the starting line up, you were so hyped and screamed at the top of your lungs once your ex-husband teammates were being called.

"GO, GO! BOKUTO!" You looked so free when you cheered on him. It had been months since the last time you saw him with both of your eyes after all. Pride engulfed your body as the game started and MSBY looked like they own the match already.

Akaashi stole some glances towards you, and he was sure you were still in love with his best friend by the look on your face. Your eyes may not shine as bright as they used to. But it was still there  — lingering on your orbs as your gaze fell to the man who wore number twelve in the team. 

If someone would ever ask him if it hurt or not, he would say it used to be so painful. That at one point if there was a surgery to remove his feelings, he would pay for it even though he would live with debt for the rest of his life. But as the years passed by, he started to get used to it. He began to feel numb because he already been through all of the hurt. 

And on your wedding day with you walking down the aisle to his best friend, was the day when he finally crumbled, completely.

His gaze on you was split when you stood immediately and roared. He looked to the court because of your outburst. And you were right, MSBY won the first set with ease. After that, Akaashi would observe the play and told you about what actually happened on the court as you frequently cheered when someone from the team made a score. Mostly, it was your ex-husband, though.

"Oh, look who finally decided to show up on our game." Miya Atsumu found your figure on the front row, smiling excitedly with how the game's work, "Guys, that's our mom." This sentence brought everyone’s attention to you. All of them widened their eyes when they realised it was you.

Bokuto dropped his water bottle, too shocked to see you there.  _ Did she cheer on me? Will she still want to cheer for me?  _ As if to know what's crossing his mind, Miya wrapped one arm on his neck, "Whoa! Our mom looks like she brought someone along!"

That was when Bokuto noticed the man who accompanied you. Miya Atsumu expected the ace to go emo and whine. But no, he just smiled at the sight. He was happy to know that Akaashi was taking care of you. He knew how close you two were, like a brother and sister who couldn't leave each other's side.

Though, the entire team could see something that their ace couldn't grasp. The black-haired man beside you gazed at you with eyes full of love and adoration. They knew it because it was how you always looked at the ace every time you came to bring them food. The entire team wanted to tell him that,

But maybe making him realise it by himself was the best option that they could offer.

The match ended with MSBY as the winner. Enjoying the game and cheering at the top of your lungs felt like you were just pouring all of your problems out of your system. You were so excited and told your best friend about how happy you were today. Akaashi listened to every word you said as he held your wrist gently to prevent you from being lost in the crowded place.

Both of you were already near the exit when a familiar voice roared behind you,

"HEY HEY HEY!!!" You jolted when you heard the famous line from Bokuto. The sound that you couldn't get tired of actually, no matter what the circumstances was, "Are you two going to watch me play without saying hi?" He pouted, the same expression that he always wore when he felt neglected by you, and it still works.

"We are sorry, Bokuto-san. We thought you were busy after the match." Akaashi said calmly as his gunmetal blue eyes locked with the golden one, "Good game today." He was ready to turn around and just pull you out. Your eyes showed how you were longing for the loud man, and it didn't go past his gaze unnoticed.

"H-Hey, wait!" Bokuto ran out to you, cutting the gap between you and him. This action made Akaashi stand in front of you, shielding you from the closeness of the someone you love. The tug on his shirt startled him as he turned to look at you, your eyes gazing at him with reassurance.

At this time, you were ready. You slipped your hands away from Akaashi and took a step towards Bokuto, a smile adorning your cheek, and it almost made Bokuto cry. His golden orbs were glossy with tears already, but he held everything back, remembering the promise that he made to his best friend and teammates.

"You really play a good game, Bo!" You patted his shoulder as Akaashi eyeing the interaction between you and the ace, "Win the match tomorrow, okay?! Tell the others that I miss them all!"

"They really miss you, (Y/n)." Even if you were now calling him by his last name, it's weird for him to call you with your family name too. After all, for three whole years, you were known to be a Bokuto, "I miss you too, you know." He scratched his neck a little, "And uh... I really wish that someday you will be loved by someone too, as much as you love them."  _ And someone who didn't waste your love like I did. _

You remembered the wish that you gave to him the night where you two said goodbyes to each other. This time, you didn't know either to cry or just smile at him. He looks great and healthy like nothing actually impacted his life. With volleyball trailing on his days, he was happy enough. 

At least that was shown from the outside. And his happiness was the only thing that you needed to know before closing this one chapter of your life.

He used to love you, and that was the only fact that you needed to hold. So you took a step forward and wrapped your arms around his torso, engulfing him in one last hug as your feelings still burst with love. He was a little bit shocked by the action, but he holds you back without a second doubt, "I wish you the best in your life, (Y/n)."

"And I wish you the best too, Koutarou." You two parted ways, smiling and grateful for choosing to come to this match. Maybe your love for him wouldn't be gone entirely. But it will, one step at a time.

You walked beside Akaashi, who still had a worried look in his eyes. But when your eyes met him, he knew that you would be fine from now on. Bokuto looked at the two and was happy to find that you were not alone in your journey.

He was aching for you, for your attention. Thank his teammates that he at least had a considerable amount of food. He wanted you, but he didn't love you anymore. Like what Akaashi said, he needed to stop being selfish.

His finger patted his pocket, hiding there was your wedding ring. Maybe he wouldn't have you anymore, but it would always remind him of the best three years that he ever had. One good thing in his life that he needed to let go of.

So he turned his head, walking back towards his team.

He missed how your smile never left your face as your hands were wrapped around the arms of someone. Your eyes shone with hope, something that you lost three months ago. And now, you started to find it in the form of the black-haired man


	3. Lovely Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone gets the privilege to be loved by the same person twice.

The scent of the burnt cake could be smelled throughout the house. You opened up your eyes immediately, broke free from the arms of your lover when you remembered that you put a cake inside the oven. Your feet dashed to the kitchen, turning it off and peeking at the now brown cake.

Akaashi walked drowsily to follow you, sleepy after the morning rendezvous that you two shared around half an hour ago. You were baking this morning when he suddenly wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you to the bedroom once again, didn't know that you already put a cake inside the oven.

"Kaashi! Look at what you've done!" The cake in your hand was now burnt, you whined like a child as you looked at the failed masterpiece, "You shouldn't have done that you know, doing  _ it  _ in the morning is a no from now on!"

The black-haired man could only chuckle and walk to where you were, kissing your forehead as he stood in front of you. He didn't mind being yelled at, because he knew that it was just a protest, not that you were outraged towards him for real. When his lips grazed on your skin, it was like you forgot why you even got angry at him in the first place.

It had been sixteen months since the  _ incident _ , the incident when you lost the love of your life because of something that humans couldn't control. You didn’t know how mother nature works their charms, but sometimes you didn't know either the event was a blessing or a curse. Maybe, even something in between.

The first three months were a living hell. Everywhere you go, you could always see  _ him  _ at the end side of your gaze. You still remembered every syllable that emitted from his lips at your third year anniversary. The night when he said that he didn't love you anymore  — made a significant impact on your life.

You loved Bokuto Koutarou for about ten years of your life, and it was something that anyone couldn't forcibly take it off from you so easily. For three months you were devastated, your eyes would always darted to your ring finger, the empty space still reminded you about the drastic change that you never thought would happen.

But you were not alone; you were never alone in this journey of life. There would always be someone who took care of you. Sometimes without you knowing  — guarding you. And in this particular time, that guardian angel took the form of your current lover, _ Akaashi Keiji. _

When one hundred days finally passed, you got the confession that had been held for ten years. Love was not on your radar after losing someone that you truly love to the painful reality. The fact that someone wouldn't stop loving you, made you think about all of the possibilities if you have never become a Bokuto, but instead, having Akaashi as your last name from the start.

Were you going to still have those heartaches? Would you still cry at the night you were supposed to have fun after three years married to someone that you love? Would someone fall out of love from you as Bokuto did?

Then he came, throwing away all of the doubts. Pushing you to always look forward, forgetting the possibilities from the past and supporting you to strive for the best version of you. Akaashi Keiji couldn't love someone else once he fell in love, even though that you were out of his grasp before, the thought of loving someone else was just so wrong.

_ "Everything okay, Kaashi?" Both of you were currently on a night stroll together, enjoying the breeze and the company. You were standing at the top of the hill, wind stroking your cheek as he stood beside you. _

_ You were beautiful, always be in his eyes.  _

_ Your heart was always out of reach from where he stood, but now, he felt like the world finally gave him the chance to have you. He took a step forward, removing the strand of hair on your face, tugging it behind your ear. _

_ "Not really," He always spoke the truth, never hiding any kind of thought. That was actually what brought you two to trust each other so much. Because neither of you would ever lie to each other, "What are you thinking about falling in love?" _

_ His question caught you off guard. Akaashi knew you like you shared the same mind, so if he felt unsure about something, he would ask. And in this case, he didn't know what laid inside your heart right now. You took a deep breath, looking at the scenery that unfolded in front of you, heart beatings a little bit faster. _

_ "The truth? I don't know." You raised your left hand in front of your face, "Right now? I want to wake up and think everything that happened in these past few months was just a dream. Bad dream." Longing smile could be seen from your face, "But actually, I don't know that I miss being Bokuto's wife, or I just miss the feeling of being loved by someone." _

_ Akaashi closed his eyes for a moment, trying to compose himself. His mind still conflicted to either confess his love for you or just waiting for the right time. _

_ But then, when is exactly the right time? _

_"I love you," You jolted when you heard the three words coming out from his lips, "I love you since you covered for me when I forgot to bring the homework to Miyano-sensei." He remembered the time when you still styled your hair into a ponytail, loving how your hair seems to bounce every time you moved, "I still love you_ — _even when you walked down the aisle with my best friend."_

_ "Keiji..." _

_ "And I still do, after all this time." Your eyes were glossy as he poured all of his love that finally emerged to the surface, "I love you for the longest time, and it never withers." All of those words were now absorbed in your mind completely. _

_ How could someone love another person like this? Weren’t they supposed to let them go when someone they love finally out of their grasp? Why didn't Akaashi take that chance? Why would a man like him, love you, unconditionally? The man in front of you had been throwing all the love that he was supposed to get from someone else that might be better than you. _

_ But Akaashi Keiji only wanted you, and he wouldn't love anybody else as long as he lived. _

_ "I couldn't say that I love you too, Kaashi." You were telling the truth. One part of you really wanted to say that you love him too, but the other part was telling you to wait. It would only become a sweet lie if you say it now.Akaashi nodded at your answer, understanding your feelings as you said that. You took another step towards him, grabbing his hand that produced cold sweat, "But maybe tomorrow I will, or maybe even in an hour. We never know, right?" _

_ "W-What are you trying to say, (Y/n)?" Gunmetal blue eyes fell upon you with hope lingering inside. It was something that he never had after Bokuto proposed to you, hope. You gave him a sincere smile, trying to calm down the man that was always there for you. Someone that always loved you even when everything was going downhill. _

_ "I have a crush on you, that's for sure." You giggled, feeling like a teenager in love, "If I am a high schooler, I will tell you right now that I love you, Kaashi. But it's not reaching that stage yet." One of your palms was pressed on his cheek, "I need time to heal, and it will be hard coping with my emotion." Your eyes gazing into his loving eyes, "Are you going to be okay with that?" He closed his eyes, feeling the heat of your palm. _

_ "I will take any chance that I have, (Y/n)." He leaned down to kiss the crown of your head, "And if it has the possibility to make you mine. Always." You let out a breath that you subconsciously hold. Then you jumped to his arms, feeling the warmth that started to engulf you. Maybe opening up your heart once again wouldn't be so bad. You just needed to be patient as time took you somewhere.  _

_ Somewhere better for the two of you. _

Here you were now, in the arms of someone that you love. His shirt wrapped your bare skin as his calloused fingers tracing your arms, as if he was worshipping you. At this point you already forgot about the burnt cake that laid on the kitchen island. Since his confession, you have been giving him all of your attention. Remembering every detail and how his eyes never left your figure.

He was so gentle from what you could conclude after living with him for more than a year. Akaashi would always walk on the dangerous side as you crossed the road, he always waited for you when you went inside your office until you were out of sight, he would remind you when you were overworking yourself. Every little thing that he did finally grow the feeling inside your heart into something more.

Like what he promised, he never stopped loving you. There were times when he tried to do so in the past years, but it never works. So he decided to just stop trying and embraced the blessing of falling for someone. At the end of the day, his thoughts would be filled with the memories of you. But now, you were with him to actually make a new memory every day. And for him  — it was a miracle.

"Are we going to watch the final tomorrow?" You looked up to search for his eyes, "We promised Bo to come after all, and I already tell my boss about it. But could you come?" He was now looking at you too, putting his forehead at the top of your hair.

"Hm, I already told everyone that I need to support my best friend in the match." He kissed your forehead before letting you go gently, "It's final tomorrow. We have to come earlier if we want to get the perfect seat." You were leaning on your counter as he grabbed a knife from the shelf, "Help me with this cake, love. We could still save it if we just cut out the top."

Giggling, you walked towards him and kissed his cheek gently before helping him to cut the cake. Like what he said, the inside was still perfect. It was just the outside that burnt. Every day, he would surprise you with a little affection and thoughtful act, making you fall harder to the man.

If it took you the biggest heartbreak that you could ever have to feel his love, maybe, just maybe  — fate was not that cruel towards you.

***

You and Akaashi came around one hour before the match began. The whole arena had been filled with spectators. After all, the final was really filled with magnificent players. You got the seat on the front row as always, right near the MSBY spectators. As you wait for the match to start, you excused yourself from Akaashi to go to the restroom. Better go now than leaving in the middle of the match, right?

As you walked to the restroom, your thoughts were filled with excitement for the game. Today's final, MSBY would meet a team where Kageyama Tobio was in, the number one setter in Japan (at least that was what they said). It was not that you didn't believe in Miya Atsumu, just that he needed to be more careful. The entire team needed to be more cautious.

Deep in your thought, you didn't realise what stood in front of you. You bumped into someone, but he was so well-built that the force made you fall to the ground.

"What the-" The familiar voice made you look up to see the one that you bumped to, "Whoa! Mom!" Your eyes twitched as you heard the nickname from the MSBY setter, "Sorry, sorry, let me help you." He extended his right hand to help you up, you reached for his hand and dusted your coat as you stood.

"It's not your fault, Atsumu-san." You gave him your usual smile, but that's enough to make him blush a little, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you get prepared for the match?"

"Well, I do." His voice was always filled with mischief, "But I want to stroll around first, letting go all the nervousness, you know?" You blinked, someone like Miya Atsumu could be nervous after all. Maybe the pressure of the final could do that, "What about you? Are you coming here alone?"

"Ah, I am here with Kaashi, of course. Akaashi Keiji." Miya widened his eyes a little as he saw your expression when you mentioned the name. It was the same expression from around a year ago every time you talked about Bokuto. He immediately shook the thought out of his mind, "Does everyone okay? How is Bo?"

Even if you were no longer his to begin with, you still cared for the hyperactive wing spiker. After all, you once vowed in front of everyone that you would always be there for him. And you were not someone who would back down from your promise, under any circumstances.

"Bokkun will always be Bokkun, but he's alright now." You let out a long sigh, that particular owl couldn't be read sometimes. His mood swing was the worst, and no one could predict what possibly made him go into the dejected mode. Miya's phone vibrates with a lot of messages, he opened it up and found everyone wanting him to prepare for the match, "Ah, I am sorry, but I have to leave."

"Sure! I know everyone will do their best today." You patted his arm, a little affection that you always give to everyone that you cared for, "Go! Don't let them release a search party just to find you!" You waved your hand as Miya nodded and gave you a little salute.

His long legs stride towards the court, but he turned to look at you one more time, noticing something that made him widened his eyes more while you still smiled and waved at him, "Hey, (N/n)." You stopped your wave mid-air as he stood there not far from your figure. He gave you a sincere smile, something that rarely appeared on his face, "Congratulations."

Before you could answer him, he turned his head and rushed back to the court once again. Leaving you there with a little smile on your face as you realised what's the meaning behind his word. After that, there was no one you were close with that you bumped to. You saw Konoha and the other members from your high school and greeted each other as you walked back to sit beside your lover.

Not long after that, the match began. The entire arena was so loud, but somehow you could still hear Bokuto's voice as he let out his famous line. Noting your attention was solely focused on the match, Akaashi leaned his arms to meet with yours, wanting to feel the warmth of your body when you two watched the entire set.

He never thought that he would be like this, hooked for your affection. Loving you was enough before, and when you finally let out the word to him, he felt that his life was complete. Akaashi never needed validation when it came to the relationship. But as time went by, he couldn't help but loving every affection that you gave. Because of that, he was becoming a little bit needy along the way.

Akaashi's hand grabbed your left hand and put it on his lap, tracing your finger, starting from your thumb. You realised what he was doing, so you kissed his head with your gaze still focused on the court. The delicate touch of his finger always brought a tingle on your heart. He suddenly moved the platinum ring that wrapped on your ring finger. You jolted, wondering why he moved it all of a sudden.

"It's nothing," He knew what's inside your mind, "It's just a little bit tilted, so I correct it." Akaashi kissed your hand and gazed at you. You too, couldn't help but take a look at your fiance. His eyes were so gentle as it fell to your face, a faint smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t believe that you would be his after ten years burying his feelings inside.

"What is it, Keiji?" He loved to hear his first name rolled from your lips, "Why are you looking at me like that?" You were actually embarrassed when he started to act like this  — just silence and looking at you like there was no one else in this world.

"I love you," Your eyes widened, trying not to choke on air as he said it so casually, "Thank you for giving me the chance, (Y/n)." It was like that day when he proposed to you, the way he said it.

You were too dumbfounded to let out any word, but he just waited. He waited for minutes just for you, because that was just how much he loved you.

"I love you too, Keiji." He leaned in to kiss your forehead, "And thank you by waiting for me, even if I didn't give any sign of assurance before." His hand still held yours, thumb caressing the back of your hand.

Since the night he confessed his love to you, he never backed down. Not even a little. Akaashi always believed that in the end, he would get his happy ending. When both of your hands interlocked for the first time, he promised he would hold you forever. No matter what happened in the future, he would always be there, loving you with as much as his heart could give.

_ The two of you were just having dinner in the house. Enjoying the moment together as you two celebrate the huge promotion that Akaashi got the day before. You were wrapped in a blanket with him in front of the fireplace. It's been nine months after he confessed his love towards you at the hill that one night, and everything was looking good for the two of you. _

_ You were pouring a glass of wine that you bought months ago from your boss. But when you were going to give the glass to him, he took it and put it on the table beside him. His eyes suddenly looked serious as he gazed at you, you blinked, wondering the sudden change of atmosphere as you stared deep into his eyes. _

_ "(Y/n), I-" He gulped, feeling jittery all of a sudden. But when your hand engulfed him, it felt like he could conquer anything in his way, "I know it's only a year after what happened, and you may feel that this is too fast since we just dated each other for like months. But, (Y/n) I-" _

_ Akaashi closed his eyes, trying to calm his heart rate as you looked at him with eyes that he couldn't read, "I want you to be mine. God, I always want you to be mine, having my last name on yours..." He gulped, not daring to gaze in your eyes as he looked down to where your hands met, "I love you too much, (Y/n), I-" _

_ "Keiji," You put your finger on his chin, lifting his head so he would look at you, "Are you... proposing to me?" He bit his lip. Akaashi Keiji was never afraid in his entire life, but the possibility that you would reject him was his biggest nightmare. _

_ "Y-yes." He never stuttered, but here he was now sitting in front of you like an absolute mess. His black hair was sticking on his forehead because of the sweat that he produced. You didn't really know what to say after all. There was a moment when you were sure that you love Akaashi Keiji, and it grew larger every day. But you were afraid, afraid of another possibility of love. _

_ But then you looked at his gunmetal blue eyes, filled with love and adoration. The eyes that had been looking out for you since your high school life. The same eyes who saw every detail of you for the past ten years. The same eyes  _ — _ who never stopped loving you even when you once belonged to his best friend. _

_ And just like that, you couldn't help but say, "Take me as your wife, then." _

_ He widened his eyes, those beautiful orbs taking one last look at you before pressing his lips on yours. After all of these heartaches, he could finally embrace you as someone who would love him too. Both of you shared a lot of soft kisses the entire night, showering each other with adoration. His lips seldom leave yours, and you didn't even realise when he slipped the diamond ring on your finger. _

The first set was won by the opponent, making you pout the entire time. Akaashi would give you a kiss on the forehead or squeeze your hand every time the opponent made a score. 

And your loving act towards each other, didn't go unnoticed by a particular wing spiker.

MSBY was now taking a rest to wait for the second match. His golden eyes were searching for your figure and fell towards you. He needed your attention and the supportive nature that you always gave every time they were taking a break. But nothing prepared him for the sight that was created in front of him.

Bokuto dropped his water bottle, too shocked as he saw his best friend kissing your forehead. You two looked so perfect together, hands intertwined and gazing on each other with loving eyes. It was like the oxygen had been pushed out from his body, he fell to the ground within an instant, resulting in your gaze to be fixed on him.

His entire team was now trying to find out what happened to the wing spiker. Your eyes were frantic, afraid that something had happened towards Bokuto. No matter what the circumstances were, you would always care and love him, even if it was not the same kind of love that you had for him a year ago. 

Akaashi patted your back, trying to make you calm down. You jolted when you felt the vibration on your pocket, courtesy from your phone. When you look at the contact name, you answer it without wasting another second.

" **Could you come here now?!** " Miya shouted at the other end of the line, " **Fuck, I never saw Bokkun looks like this except from** **_that_ ** **dark days.** " You know so well what days that he meant, " **Come here fast to the locker room near the stairs, please!** "

"I am on my way." You were panicked, trying to say something on Akaashi. But when you turned to look at your fiance, he just grabbed your arms and caressed it for a while to calm you down.

"I will wait here, go help Bokuto-san." Hearing that, you composed yourself and nodded, pecking his cheek before dashing out to the locker room. You found Miya Atsumu and Hinata Shouyou standing in front of the door. Their eyes showed relief when their gaze fell on you. You nodded at them as they stepped aside to make a way.

You opened up the locker room, hearing a painful gasp when you entered. Bokuto curled up in the corner of the room, gasping for air like it was not there. You ran to his side, pulling him to your embrace as you cradled him. Your fingers stroked his hair that was a mess.

"I am here, Bo, I am here. You are not going through everything alone." He didn't talk; he just gasped for air. You didn't know what made him like this, but it hurts your heart so much to see him in so much pain, "Kou," You cooed his name, again and again. His arms finally wrapped around you after a while, afraid that you would dissipate into thin air if he let it go.

"Why-" His voice cracked, "S-since when you and Akaashi..." You bit your lips, now understand what made the man in front of you break down like this, "I thought you love me." His fist clenched hard on your shirt, "I-I am so sorry, it's because I said that I didn't l-love you, right?" He sobbed, wetting your lap as his head was now lying on your stomach.

"Kou, I am sorry if I hurt you for loving Keiji." He knew he started to act selfishly again, just like what he always does before, "When you didn't love me anymore, I thought I would never love someone again." Bokuto listened to your statement, still sobbing as he tried to control his breathing, "But he showed me that I could, Kou. You wish that for me, right?"

"Y-yeah." He straightened his body to take a look at you, and that felt like the biggest mistake that he had ever made. There on your ring finger, circled an unfamiliar platinum ring with round cut diamond. For three years, a rose gold coloured ring was adorning there. It reminded him that you were no longer his, and he should remember that, "You two... You two are m-married?"

"No, Kou. Not yet." His golden eyes pierced into your soul. For the past months, he tried to find someone. But he still ended up with an empty bed no matter how hard he tried to. No one could replace the warm that you always radiate every morning, "What is it, Kou? Why you-"

"You will leave me." It was the most painful truth that he ever realised, "Y-You will never have the time to spend with me. Either you or Akaashi, both of you will live happily ever after and I would never be there. I will be forgotten," He didn't tremble like before, but the tears were pouring non-stop, "I need you, (Y/n). I am sorry that I ever said that I didn't love you anymore, I-"

"Kou," You cupped his cheek, gazing at the eyes that were filled with hurt, "I would never leave you. You remember the vow that I gave on our wedding day?" He nodded at this, "I said that I would never stop caring for you, I will always be there for you every step of the way, and I will never stop loving you." Your thumb brushed away his tears carefully, "Just because it's not the same kind of love, doesn't mean that I will stop loving you."

Bokuto bit his lip, restraining the tears that still wanted to get spilt. He must accept this; it was what he wanted after all. For the past few months, he would lay on his bed, tracing the empty side that never filled with warm anymore. No matter how many women throw themselves at him, he just couldn't do it. Everytime he gave someone a chance, something would nag his heart, telling him that it was all wrong.

By the end of the day, he realised that no one else could love him like you do.

You were no longer belonged to him, and he kept saying it inside of his head. He would never get the privilege to taste your love in his life ever again. It would be all poured for Akaashi Keiji. It was Bokuto's decision to let you go after all, and maybe, having you there for him was enough.

"Okay." He stood up all of a sudden and pulled you up with him. His hand grabbing yours, golden eyes locked to your orbs, "Then look at me, okay?" His face plastered with his usual grin, one that always made your heart sing, "Cheer for me! Tell Akaashi to cheer for me too!" Your eyes were brimming with tears as you saw how much he had grown.

For the first time, you didn't need to tell him what to do. You didn't have to sugarcoat him with something. He just realised it all on his own. And somehow, seeing him like this felt like it was your achievement too.

"We will, Kou." You pulled your hand that was interlocked with him to be in front of both of your faces, "So, win this! They all have been waiting for you!" Bokuto nodded, pulling you to his embrace one more time. He kissed the crown of your head before letting go.

"Thank you, for ever loving me." He gave you a grin, then bolted out to the door, ready to come back to the match. You chuckled by his behaviour, feeling glad that maybe, everything will turn out alright after all. Then you followed his action, running towards the stands so you could see the man that would always have a special place in your heart.

Akaashi waved at you when his eyes finally found you on the entrance, you ran and sat down immediately. You gave the man beside you a long kiss, shocking him as you put your forehead on his for seconds.

"Everything's okay?" He asked you with concern lingering in his voice. You nodded with your eyes still closed, taking his hand in your lap.

"Yes," You gave him one more peck on his lips, "Everything is okay now." He smiled to hear your answer. Both of you were now focused on the game, still holding each other's hand.

The commentator announced the comeback of Bokuto Koutarou to the game. There he was, standing on the sideline while waiting for the right time to go back to the court. Pride engulfed your heart as you saw him there, looking as serious as ever.

Bokuto fingers fiddling with a rose gold wedding ring that he usually put on his pocket, a token that reminded him of your unconditional love towards himself. When the coach told him to come back inside, he kissed the ring and prayed for the best before tugging it back inside his pocket.

Miya and the others have been waiting for him, glad to see their ace looking like he was back to his prime condition as he strode back inside the court. Bokuto looked at your direction. You were cheering on him while Akaashi gave him a smile and a thumbs up. Satisfied, he gazed back to the court, grinning wild when he remembered the two important people in his life.

Akaashi Keiji had been his best friend since high school, always looking up for him until today. He was the one who introduces you, the love in his life, to be with him. But fate was always unpredictable as he must let you go, to be with someone who could love you back just like how much you love him, and now, you found it on the black-haired man.

You would always love him, and he realised that it's alright if it was not the same love as they used to. Because he knew, you poured all of your love to his best friend. Bokuto was all out of love without you, feeling so lost at first. But when you were reminding him about your vow, for him, to have you in his life was enough, even if it meant you would belong to someone else.

It was time for Bokuto to serve, he was silent and walked to the right and left, looked at everyone on the stands then started to clap. You knew what he was going to do. So you clapped, as loud as you can. You nudge your fiance to clap louder, he shook his head at your excitement but followed nevertheless.

The entire arena was now clapping for him. It was something that he always loved to do since years ago. He did it because he felt like the world was there for him, and knowing you were there, clapping for him too  — felt like the entire universe was rooting for his serve. So he threw the ball so high and jumped, hitting the ball hard to the opponent's court. It was so fast that in a milisecond the ball landed perfectly. 

Bokuto just scored a point.

Everyone was silent, too shocked with how powerful the ace could serve. So you stood and clapped, making a chain of sound to the entire arena. You smiled so wide, tears brimming in your eyes because of how proud you were with him. He grinned and absorbed the energy from all of the spectators, raising both of his hands to the sky.

"HEY HEY HEEYYY!!!"

And maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright after all.

  
  



	4. Behind Those Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, people just realised things when it was all too late.

The arena was so packed today. Not even one seat was empty. As always, Bokuto loves the loud and how all spectators could see him. But something, something was missing in today's match. 

His golden eyes were practically looking at where you and his best friend usually sat. Though it was replaced by an unknown person right now.

He was pouting the whole time. No, it was not his usual dejected mode like what he had ever since high school days. The truth was that he never fell into that mode since one particular time. Bokuto Koutarou was a grown man. It had been twenty-eight years since he breathed the oxygen in this world, he started to change, for the better.

His finger was fiddling around a rose gold wedding ring. The inside was written with one sentence that he always loves,  _ always be there.  _ Every time he misses you, he would remember that you never actually left his side. Even if your figure were not there, your heart would accompany him with every step he took.

"Hey, Bokkun." The setter of his team called him out of his trance, "Come on, the second set will begin." Miya Atsumu was looking at the man with sympathy in his brown eyes. He was feeling guilty for something, something that might n't happen if he just shut up and pestered him all those months ago.

Bokuto nodded at the setter, kissing the ring and praying before putting it back in his pocket. He was ready now, fiddling with your wedding ring was always calming for him. It felt like you were exactly there, supporting him with all of your heart.

He stared once again to the seats that were now occupied by other people. Both you and Akaashi couldn't attend his match today for the first time in forever. Well, the reason is practically lovely for the two, but not for him. You were now Akaashi (Y/n), and the two of you were away in another country, spending time together after the wedding two weeks ago.

This morning, he got a video call from his best friend. Akaashi was on the balcony as he was saying good luck for today's match, though he was sure that Bokuto could win the game. Then there you were, circling your arms around Akaashi's neck as you hug him from behind. Apologising for the lack of physical support. Bokuto brushed it off. He knew that the two of you couldn't predict the future as when he would have a match.

You were so beautiful there with a white sleeping dress. Even though your bed hair was visible, you still managed to look gorgeous. His mind was running wild for a second, remembering the times when he was the one who could see your bed hair. But now, all of your little things belong to his best friend.

He remembered Saturday, two weeks ago. His hair was slicked to the back, one look that you said looked good on him, come close after his unstyled hair. You were saying that he looked mature when he didn't wear his usual hairstyle, but no matter how he looks, you always love him either way. At least that was what you said all those years ago.

_ Nervous, that was what struck you when your father stood by your side. He was trying to calm you down, but to no avail, you keep shuddering. This was exactly what happened four years ago, but back then you could manage to keep your composure and stride down with a giddy smile on your face. _

_ Maybe you were afraid, and you didn't want to hurt Bokuto's feelings too. He collapsed when he saw how Akaashi kissed your forehead on one of the matches. What happened if he broke down? But you and Bokuto have been in a good relationship after that, and it was not that he still loves you anymore though. Right? _

_ "Hey, hey," You jolted when you heard the familiar voice, "Are you okay, (Y/n)?" His golden eyes were full of concern. Your father looked at him with a surprised look, "Do you need anything? Water perhaps?" After all, your father never knew that the man could actually calm you down in seconds. _

_ "Kou," He caressed your arms gently, "I am afraid that I trip!" Well, that's one of the reasons. Bokuto blinked at your confession, then he laughed. He laughed so hard that if the musician didn't play a song, it would roar to the entire venue. You and your father could only look at the man who now had tears in his eyes. _

_ "I-I am sorry," He finally stopped and took a look at you, "So? Have you calmed down yet?" You blinked, realising that you didn't tremble anymore. Bokuto laughed because it was something that you or your father wouldn't expect him to be. He knew you would become full of confusion. _

_ "Oh my- YOU ARE A GENIUS!" You wrapped your arms around him for a while, "Thank you so much, Kou." Bokuto patted your head gently, didn't want to mess the veil or he would be killed by the entire family. _

_ Your father looked at how the two of you interact. He realised something as he looked at his used to be son-in-law, there was just something in the golden orbs, hiding as after this, you would be married to someone else. The two of you break apart, Bokuto kisses your forehead gently and goes back to his seat. _

_ You circled one of your arms on your father. He looked at you like something was bothering his mind, "What is it, father?" The old man just shook his head as the two walked slowly to the venue. _

_ "It's nothing," He squeezed your hand a little, "Koutarou has grown so much since the last time I saw him." You smiled at this. Yes, your ex-husband had been matured well since the incident that made the two of you break apart. Maybe it was meant to be after all, "Are you ready now?" _

_ Once you said yes, the door to the venue would be opened. So you nodded, ready to open up a brand new chapter in your life with someone called Akaashi Keiji. The huge door opened, eyes already glossy with tears as you saw the black-haired man that would be your husband in a few minutes. The song played, and so, you walked down the aisle to him, someone that you hope you spend all of these days on earth. _

_ Bokuto looked at how magnificent you were as you walked towards his best friend. Your eyes didn't leave the figure at all like it was just you and Akaashi in this world. It was the same eyes that looked at him with love for more than ten years. It was the same eyes that he always adored staring too. It was the same eyes that broke down in front of him four years ago. _

_ He gulped as he saw you kissing his best friend with the same lips that once belonged to him. Tears already wetted his cheek, falling to the ground without limit. He clapped, maybe this was what Akaashi always felt back then.  _

_ Bokuto just knew the truth about his best friend feeling for you. It was bachelor night as Akaashi was a little bit tipsy, that was when he poured the confession from his mind. _

_ "Thank you, Bokuto-san. Thank you for giving her to me." _

_ He remembered every syllable that his best friend said to him that night. So, he wiped all of the tears with his sleeve. You and Akaashi were looking at him, Bokuto immediately created a huge grin on his face. He didn't want the most important people in his life to worry about him, especially if the day was supposed to spin around them. _

Today's match was easy for his team. It was still a prelimination after all. He was now in the locker room with satisfaction from today's game lingering his face. But it was all gone in a second when he reached into his pocket. Horror started to emerge in his golden eyes when he realised the lack of the weight.

"G-Guys!" He was panicking now, looking at his bag and throwing everything out, "Do you see my ring?! Have you guys seen it?!" The entire team knew how important the ring was to their ace, "Please, I can't... I need to find it! It's the last thing about her that I have." Hinata immediately tried to calm him down, patted his back as the entire team sprawled around to find the ring.

Bokuto slid into the locker room as he couldn't find the ring. It killed him if he lost it and he was trembling by now. He jerked when his ears caught a tune from Hinata. His hand immediately grabbed Hinata's phone, making the poor boy startled.

"Don't." He gulped down, "Don't call her, don't call Akaashi. They are on a honeymoon right now." Hinata nodded, saddening as he knew what was the reason behind his lack of passion today. The orange-haired boy looked at his ace, he remembered the time when they were in a summer camp around nine years ago.

The captain of Fukurodani would look at you with eyes full of love. Telling the whole world how beautiful you are and how your personality was the best in the entire universe. Hinata felt guilty for not saying it to him. He clenched his fist as he didn't say anything when the whole team thought that Bokuto's love for you might be gone.

But Hinata knew it well, the dual-coloured hair  _ never  _ falling out of love from you.

Bokuto was a complicated man. His mind was so simple that it made him become easily confused, resulting in his feelings to mix up. He used to be so childish and selfish, and he didn't understand exactly what happened in his heart.

Everyone saw something, like how Bokuto suddenly acted like he used to be, wanting everyone's attention at the game. And they saw it too, how the ace of MSBY didn't rush to hug you or spun you around right after the whistle from the referee rings out.

The truth, it was actually just how he is. He always acted like that since high school, and Bokuto had been in love with you since then.

Bokuto Koutarou never stopped loving you. All of those feelings that he thought he felt, it was all a misunderstanding that burned inside his head. It was just confusion that had been brimming inside his heart. Everyone said that he changes, everyone said that something was happening inside him.

So, he thought that he was falling out of love.

And for him, you didn't deserve to be loved any  _ less _ .

That was the real reason he blurted out what was inside his head that night.

He stops needing the attention of spectators because he feels it was not right since you were there too, cheering him on. But after being married to you for years, he knew that you were okay with it. So he did what he always does before and you actually encourage it because that was just how he is.

But everyone thought that your attention only was no longer enough.

He didn't rush to see you after the match because he realised he was always sweaty whenever he hugged you. With time, he realised it was inconsiderate for your side even though you never complained. So he stopped doing it and took time because he knew you would always be waiting for him nevertheless.

But everyone thought he started to get bored by your presence.

While actually, it's just him that changed to be a better person.

"WE FOUND IT!" Miya busted the locker room door, startling the two that still sat down on the floor. There on his hand, the familiar rose gold wedding ring that once belonged to you shone as the light hit the surface. Seeing that, Bokuto immediately stood up and grab the wedding ring from his teammate's grasp, "You are welcome you-"

He stopped talking when his eyes were now looking at the man in front of him, the ace was crying by now. The entire team was silent as Bokuto held the ring on his palm as his life depended on it. His lips were muttering a lot of words;  _ Thank you, Thank God, My Love, My everything, I will be miserable without you.  _ And the sight breaks everyone's heart. 

Miya clenched his fist. He shouldn't have pushed him to think that you were no longer important to the ace. When he saw some different behaviour from his teammates, he immediately thought the least possible things that could happen. But now, he regretted everything that he did. The setter regretted starting the  _ poison _ inside the wing spiker's mind.

Because everyone could see Bokuto now, and they would all know how much he loves you.

After calming down and putting the ring in a safe place, Bokuto decided to go to his house since he needs to take care of some papers regarding his house. He was going to sell it since it was too much for him to handle. For two years, he didn't see it as home anymore because it lost the warmth that was usually there.

He always found himself saying that he was home while he knew no one would answer him. Sometimes he asked to pass out something for him and ended up sobbing because you were no longer there to do it. The hallway was still adorned with every memory that you and he had shared. And every night, he always looked at the pictures with a longing look in his eyes.

Behind those golden eyes, he knew he never stopped loving you. He started to put things together after his break down at one particular match. The ache he felt every time you were all lovey-dovey with Akaashi, or how you smiled at him, and every little thing that you did when you were near him. Bokuto could finally understand what was going on inside his heart.

There were times when he hoped he could settle his own feelings back then, so you didn't slip between his fingers. But when he saw you in the wedding dress with the man that was there for you the entire time, he couldn't help but feel guilty if he cried. After all, he was the one who broke his chance to have a happy ending with you.

You were now happy, with someone that he knew so well would treat you like a goddess. A smile plastered on his face as he laid down on his bed and thought about your smile. You were his everything, the only woman who could love him entirely. But he realised there would be no second chances when it came to your love.

No matter how much he changed, he would always be the man who was deeply in love with you. If Akaashi could let you go all those years ago, maybe he could do the same at the end. Bokuto Koutarou could only hope that life will be okay even if it means you were not in the chapter anymore.

He was not the same man who wanted you all for himself. He was not the same man who asked you to marry him all of those years ago. He was not the same man that was clinging on you twenty-four hours a day. He was all matured, becoming the best version of himself. Though, there was something that would always be the same inside him,

His feelings for you would remain intact, never once lessening.

But sadly, it was just him and the universe who knew that.

And it would forever, eating him alive as long as he lives.


	5. Gunmetal Blue Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> — Prologue

The early morning sunlight, soft and diffused, gave a way to the first strong rays of the day, the ones that bring true warmth. Spring came to bring a new chapter of life, the epitome of rebirth after the freezing cold of snow buried all of the warmth that the world had offered.

Outside the window, the white blanket of snow started to melted away. The evergreens and cherry blossoms scented the air with their new growth. In rain or shine, there was a new warmth, inviting the lips to smile.

He stood there in front of the mirror in his hotel room, wearing a magnificent gray suit with a white flower adorning his breast pocket. Spring came to bring a new hope in life, the start of something new after weeks full of wintry days.

The man in the mirror was a man with a face that was sculpted by God. His gunmetal blue eyes beautified his perfect facade, completed by a pair of black eyebrows on top of it.

He smiled all of a sudden, trying to make everyone believe that it was a genuine smile. And after practicing the same smile for years, he knew that it was enough, his acting was  _ almost _ perfect.

The chirping of the birds could be heard from where he stood. He opened up the window pane before, making sure the new air from the first day of spring could flow inside the room.

It was an adequate decision, choosing this time of year to hold such a powerful event. He took a deep breath, soaking as much energy from the air that he could gather. He needed it, he needed the hope to overcome today.

His phone vibrated continuously, resounding around the serene room. With a little sigh, he opened up his phone. A gentle smile graced his pretense, immediately replacing the once emotionless one. Though it was genuine, not like the one that he practiced in front of the mirror before.

“Hey.” His voice was so delicate, like he talked to someone that could break if his intonation was a little higher, “Are you alright?”

“ **Argh, the truth?** ” The voice on the other line penetrated his hearing, “ **I am scared, I don’t want to mess everything up, ‘Kaashi.** ” His name rolled from your tongue oh-so-smoothly.

“Hey, calm down. Take a deep breath, follow me.” You were silent, synchronized your breath with the said man, “That’s it, you’ve done so well.” The gentle smile never left his lips, overjoyed with the fact that you called him, “Better now?”

“ **Yes, so much better.** ” Somehow, the man could see how your face calmed down in a matter of seconds, “ **Thank you, ‘Kaashi. I love you so much!** ”

His heart felt so lightweight when he heard the words. It made him feel at peace every time you said those words to him, like he was seated on the beach with ocean breeze, with you by his side.

“You are welcome, you know I am always there for you,” He gulped as a daring thought wandering inside his mind for a split second, “And I love you too.”  _ Always. _

He looked at his phone, your name still adorning the screen until you hang up. There was something in his eyes if someone took a closer look. It was a plea, pleading the world to make you the happiest person alive in this world.

But there was something else too, coating his gunmetal blue eyes as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone gallery. He stopped his motion when he finally found the picture that he was longing for.

It was a picture of him and you, someday in the high school days. There was a culture festival going on, and you were there spending time together with him, running away a little after working hard preparing the show for your class.

His love for you was something that no one could understand. It was rare, the highest form of love, the form where he didn’t even think about his own feelings. What mattered was your love, and you found it in someone else.

You found it inside someone named Bokuto Koutarou, his upperclassmen, his best friend that he adored so much. Someone that somehow caught your heart in a matter of a second.

And he couldn’t forget it, that one time after a practice match. The first time you laid your eyes on the dual coloured hair man like he was the sun that shone your life, never once dimmed.

_ “Akaashi!” He flinched, hearing his name being called by the ace. Today, the upperclassmen seemed to be more hampered than any other day. _

_ “Yes, Bokuto-san?” The black haired setter was just done gulping away some water into his mouth, “Do you need help?” _

_ “What do you think about love?” He blinked, never once expected the heavy question to come out from the ace. “Damn it, Akaashi! I think I am in love!” _

_ Right now, Akaashi just wanted to chuckle. Love was something that you couldn’t possibly realise in a split second. It was something that grew somewhere along the way as you started to become acquainted with someone. _

_ At least, that was love in his eyes, _

_ “Oh?” He put the mineral water down on the bench, focusing himself on the pouting upperclassmen, “Who is it?” He knew better if he didn’t pay attention to Bokuto, the rest of the practice would be a nightmare. _

_ “I don’t know her name yet!” For someone who had a short circuit inside his head, the dual-coloured hair somehow looked so excited for the chance of love, “But I will tell you who it was if I ever see her again!” _

_ The setter nodded. Right now, he was wondering about the girl, or boy, that could possibly have caught the attention of Bokuto Koutarou. For two whole years befriending the adolescent owl-like features, he never thought he could see him being interested with anything other than meat or volleyball. _

_ “Bokuto-san!” The black haired setter called out to the ace, notifying him that he was going to toss the ball towards him. With a wide smile plastered on his face, the ace jumped so high, a sight that the setter was always proud to see. _

_ Of course, with how powerful Bokuto was, the ball hit the opponent’s court with ease. A wide smile plastered on his face, golden eyes lit up immediately when he realised he made a score. _

_ “HEY HEY HEY!!!” The ace screamed out, “Did you see that, Akaashi?! I could-” But he stopped, his golden eyes that were once looked at the setter, were now focused on something behind his underclassmen. _

_ Or rather, it was someone, someone that caught his eyes when he first laid eyes on them. Akaashi could see the adoration and awe in the golden orbs, and he smiled, knowing for sure that the one Bokuto was talking about before must have been standing in the gymnasium. _

_ So he turned his head, ready to tell the upperclassmen the name of the person since he knew a lot of names in this school. But the sight in front of him right now was something that he never expected to. _

_ You were standing there with your bag in your shoulder and his book on your hand. Akaashi expected you to look at him by now, but instead, your eyes were focused on someone else. _

_ Your beautiful eyes fixated on someone that shone the brightest in the room. The ace of the team, Bokuto Koutarou. As your heart fluttered with awe, Akaashi’s heart crumbled when he realized what was happening right now. _

_ His best friend that he loved since the first year of high school, setting her heart for someone none other than the upperclassmen that he really cared for too. Someone that apparently also had his eyes on you. _

There was a sudden knock on the door, and it was enough to take him back to the present. His eyes gazing towards the clock that was hanging on the wall, telling him that it was  _ time _ .

He walked again in front of the mirror, checking his whole appearance once again, wanting to be perfect on this quintessential day. When he was sure, he strode towards the door, opening it up to see none other than the happiest man alive.

Bokuto stood with nervousness radiating from his whole body. Both of his hands were pocketed in his grey suit. He used to feel moody, down, happy, sad, but nervous was something that rarely occurs in his life.

But of course, behind all of his antics, he was just a normal human being after all.

“Are you alright, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi’s voice rang through the empty hallway, making the poor man jolted, “Pre-wedding jitters?”

“No!” The dual-coloured hair man half-shouted, “I am just a little bit nervous, Akaashi.” He pouted, but it quickly changed as his mind was set on something, “When else you could have your first love as your wife, right?”

Huge grin plastered on his best friend’s face, making the black haired man smile with how happy the volleyball player looked right now. Truthfully, the rhetorical questions hit the sore spot in his heart, knowing for sure that he would never get to have the same thing.

Because the first woman that he loves, would bear his best friend’s last name at the end of the day.

The two men walked side by side, exiting the main building of the five-star hotel they were in. As they walked, the breezy wind greeted them with a gentle motion, making the volleyball player giggle as he tried to save his styled hair.

It was always your dream, to have a wedding on the first day of spring. You always said that it was the best time of the year since it felt like you have been through all the obstacles together as the winter passed; spring turns out to be the new chapter where hope and love filled the air.

They finally arrived at the venue, and he widened his eyes a little to see how beautiful the theme that you had chosen with your fiance. It was a Lord of the Rings sort of a wedding in a natural woodland setting. Where you wanted your love to honour what the deity has given rather than the world of money and bling.

“Do I look good?” Once again, the groom was nervous and afraid that he would mess up everything, “Ah, I wish (Y/n) could calm me down. She must be acting so cool like she always did!”

Akaashi chuckled a little, remembered how you called him around half an hour ago. You were rambling about how nervous you were, afraid that you would mess up, even later his phone still vibrates with all of your worry.

“Trust me, Bokuto-san.” His calloused hand fell to the shoulder of the groom, the man who would have you in his life, “She was nervous too.”

No matter how calm you look outside, you were someone that was always worried about what other people thought about you. And Akaashi was always there to reassure you that everything would turn out alright.

But no matter how long he stayed for you, no matter how many times he held you in his embrace to calm you down, no matter how much love that he poured just for you,

He would never be the last destination in your life.

_ Since he saw how you looked at the volleyball’s team captain, he knew he would do anything to never make you lose the spark. The fact that the captain himself was interested in you, made his plan so much easier. _

_ Akaashi was the one who introduced you with the captain. It was painful to see how the two of you met for the first time officially. Both of you were speechless, gawking at each other as no words could explain the fiery feelings inside your heart. _

_ Akaashi was the one who planned your first date, telling his upperclassmen about what you love and what you hate. It was easy since now the ace has successfully erased all of his awkwardness around you. _

_ Akaashi was the one who pushed Bokuto to ask you to be his girlfriend, telling him that what Bokuto’s feeling was a lot more than just a mere crush. Because somehow, Akaashi could find a glimpse of him inside the ace. _

_ Everything, Akaashi Keiji was the one who made sure that you would live happily ever after with the man that you love so much. _

_ No matter how many times he had to endure the pain in his heart, he would always ended up prioritizing your own happiness, all above his. _

_ He was the one who loves you, knowing you like the back of his hand, caring for you for god knows how long. _

_ But he was just the best friend. Nothing less, and nothing more. _

_ “Akaashi!” It was the day, the day when his best friend proposed to you, “Thank you so much for all of the help that you gave to me.” The voice of his ex-captain was calm at the moment, “I am sure I would never call her mine if you were not in my life.” _

**_Trust me, Bokuto-san. If it’s not because of the fact that he loves you, I will be the one who called her as mine._ **

_ “It’s nothing, Bokuto-san.” He let out a long sigh, trying to compose himself, “So, she said yes?” _

_ “Yeah,” And when he realized he didn’t even shed a tear, he knew for sure that his heart was already frozen at the moment, “I wouldn’t get this far without you, you know.” _

_ “It’s nothing, Bokuto-san.”  _ **_It was everything._ ** _ “I am glad I could be a good help,”  _ **_Just please, treat her right._ **

_ Right now, he wanted to scream and cry out. His mind was filled with the memories that you made with him. He remembered everything that you ever said, every single syllable that came out from your lips, imprinted at the back of his mind. _

_ You said you always wanted his company, saying that he always made you calm. You said you were long for his blunt but yet entertaining thoughts, saying that it was his best trait. You said you missed him every time he was away for too long, saying that you couldn’t be too far without your best friend. _

_ You even said that you loved him, _

_ But it’s not the same love that he harbors towards you. _

_ “Then, I promise I wouldn’t ask for more, but…” Somewhere inside his heart, he knew he couldn’t cope with the feelings anymore, “I can’t do this without you, Akaashi,” But no matter how hard he tried to be away from you, it’s just not possible, “Would you be my best man on our wedding day?” _

_ He knew he had to say no, or the possibilities for him to break down in front of everyone would become a reality. Akaashi knew well when his heart should take a rest. But even after all this time, maybe, just maybe, he could endure it one last time, _

_ “That would be my pleasure, Bokuto-san.” _

And here he was right now, standing near his best friend who was now giddy with the fact you would stride down to the altar in a matter of seconds. He questioned himself at the moment, feeling like a masochist with how much hurt he had to endure just to see you perfectly happy with the man that you loved so much.

It was silent all of a sudden and everyone stood up, turning their heads a little to the bride who finally appeared at the venue. To say that his heart wouldn’t stop for a second there would be a lie.

You looked so majestic with the wedding dress wrapped perfectly to compliment your figure. He remembered how you said you didn’t like your body figure sometimes, but he would say it to you numerous times that you were just perfect.

The pianist started to play the classic wedding song, accompanying you as you walked down the aisle. His gunmetal blue eyes were focused on your figure who was now teared up as you looked towards his direction.

But  _ it’s not him _ where you laid your gaze to.

The smile that was now radiated from your face, the tears that started to brimmed at the corner of your eyes, it was not delivered for him. All of them were for the man that stood proudly with cheeks already filled with tears, the Bokuto Koutarou, the sun in your life.

As your father gave your hand to your soon-to-be husband, he almost extended his hand, mind clouded with delusion as he wanted to be the one who held your hand on the aisle.

Everything’s unfolded in front of him like a blur. He tried to distract himself, focused on something else, anything but not at the couple who was now sharing their wedding vows.

As his eyes scanned the scene in front of him, somehow his heart ached a little bit more. He fell once again towards the idea of him to be the groom, the one person who would love you forever. 

Spring has always been your favourite season out of all four. And as he heard your reasons every year, he started to feel the same, loving the seasons which roared with hope and prosperity. The start of the new journey, together.

His eyes looking at the two people that he always had a soft spot for. One was his best friend, the one person that he cared and adored since junior high. The other was his first love, the one person that he knew would always love.

_ “If you were given the chance to change your past, would you take it?” Your voice rang as the two of you waited for the second set of Bokuto’s match. He was perplexed, didn’t know the answer to the question. You eyed him, wondering what was inside your best friend’s mind at the moment, “You don’t have to answer that today.” _

“I wouldn’t take it.” You were now the one who was confused, making you pull yourself from his embrace. When the ceremony was done, you immediately tackled him, happy to see the man who gave so much impact in your life.

“What?” He chuckled at how comical your face looked right now, “‘Kaashi, I am serious, what do you mean?”

His eyes bore into yours, longingly looked at the only woman who owned his heart. The woman that was now taken, to be loved and cherished by someone else, a man that he hoped would love you forever.

“I answered your question from that one time,” You raised one of your eyebrows, still couldn’t grasp what he meant, “If I was given the chance to change my past…” He almost chuckled once again when your eyes lit up like a kid, “I wouldn’t take it.”

“And why is that?” Your eyes were now filled with curiosity, “You really have no regret? There’s nothing, absolutely nothing that you want to change?”

**_No,_ **

“Yes,” He gulped, scanning your whole figure until his gaze fell on your left hand, “I am glad to have you in my life,”  **_Even if it’s meant that I would forever be your best friend,_ ** “And yeah, that one reason was enough for me not to take that chances.”

You put your hand on in front of your mouth, trying to suppress as many tears that started to brimmed at the corner of your eyes. And Akaashi Keiji once again slapped by the reality that you would never be his once he saw the rose gold wedding ring, fitting perfectly on your finger.

He hoped the first day of spring didn’t just become the start of your journey together with your husband. As today, he woke up with hope that maybe, the universe would spare his heart, erasing the love that he had towards you, just to live a life without the immense pain that he must go through every single day.

But apparently, that was not how this life works.

“Hey hey hey! What is this?” Your husband suddenly appeared, circling his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind, “Why are you crying?!” He was frantic, afraid that you were in pain or something.

“I-I am okay, Kou.” You pecked his lips, trying to calm him down, “‘Kaashi here’s just being a softie to me~!”

“Ah! I see you crying too, Akaashi!” Bokuto stated, making the black haired man blushed when his best friend exposed him, “You were crying when we shared our wedding kiss~! Such a softie indeed!”

“What?!” You laughed, couldn’t believe that you didn’t see him when he shed his tears, “Really?! Oh my god, aww.” You were touched, feeling loved by a lot of people at once, “What is it that made you cry, Kaashi?”

**_The fact that I would never feel your love._ **

“Uhm, it was nothing, really.”

**_I could only pray for you to be happy with him._ **

“I am just happy to see how perfect you are for each other.”

**_So, please. Don’t make me go through another lie anymore._ **

**_Not anymore._ **


End file.
